the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
