Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i think my mom watched the whole time
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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