Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
