a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
