I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
