I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
