apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
