I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
