new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
