my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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