Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
