am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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