Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
