i think my tv is drunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
