i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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