You made me cry and you don't even care
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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