so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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