you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
