There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
