I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
