we're chasing vodka with high fives
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
