carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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