he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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