i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
