It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
