No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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