First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
