if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i think i just lost a toe
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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