Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
