why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
