I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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