I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
