dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
