I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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