I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
