ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
