Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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