Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
