It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
