? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
