3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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