I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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