dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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