If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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