theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
