he told me I talked like a deaf person
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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