I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
