I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
