Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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