dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
