3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
