u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
