tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
